I'm hoping that there will be a proper graduation ceremony. It has been an amazing experience studying from home, I get to take light breakfast and no longer need to travel from my hostel to the lecture hall. The great thing is I'm able to spend time with my family. Despite my mum's occasional ranting about the amount of fallen hair on the floor, I was a great help to my family - since we are not encouraged to go outside during this pandemic, I help settle the bills online, buying necessities online etc. 



Recently, I come across a book with the title "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. How reading this book will benefit you? It shares about how small habits can fulfill your potential and how to create a good habit or change a bad habit. The backbone is a four-step model of habits - cue, craving, response, and reward. If you are in search of the lasting principles you can rely on year after year, you are in the right post. It doesn't matter whether your goals center on health, money, productivity, relationships or all of the above.
First, small habits make a big difference. If you get 1% better each day for one year, you'll end up 37 times better by the time you're done. Conversely, if you get 1% worse each day for one year, you'll decline nearly down to zero. Yes, habit behaves like compound interest of self-improvement. However, habit oftens make no difference until you cross a critical threshold to unlock a new level of performance, it requires patience. A bit of an experience I would like to share: as a student, I attend tuition classes, complete various reference books exercises etc. I obtain good results in academic, gradually coming up top in the class. All this while, I think it is merely luck- that I'm too lucky. I often disregard my 'hard work', I think that's what everybody does, except that's not. You reap what you sow. I guess I was that weird kid which requested my mum to send me to tuition center.
This book focuses on system instead of goal. Goal is only for setting a direction, e.g I want to win a championship, while system makes progress. Everyone wants to win- successful and unsuccessful people share the same goal, so goals cannot differentiate the winners from the losers. The goal had always been there, it was only when you implement a system of continuous improvements that you achieve a different outcome. You think you need to change your result, but the result is not the problem, but the system that cause that result. Fix the input and the output will fix itself. I like the quote by Jeffrey Archer, "if you take care of the pennies, the pounds will take care of themselves", the same goes in term of financial. It is not about a single achievement, but a cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement. If I quit to work hard after my SPM, I will not have finished my matriculation study, not to mention my undergraduate study. In this case, my system is concentrate in class, understand the concepts completely and prepare well for every examinations. My goal is to obtain great results. Without a proper system, a goal is nothing but unachievable. One of the most effective way to change your habit is to focus on who you wish to become, not on what you want to achieve. For instance, each time you write a page, you are a writer. Each time you practise the piano, you are a musician. The habits guide you to trust yourself, you start to believe you can actually accomplish these things. After you have successfully written 365 pages in a year, you might believe you are a writer, because by then you are actually one. Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs and to upgrade and expand your identity. Whether you are a write, an athlete, a leader, you are the one who decide. Remember the four laws of behavior change you can use to build better habits: (i) Make it obvious. (ii) Make it attractive. (ii) Make it easy. (iv) Make it satisfying.


Little did I know that we will be facing quarantine due to the prevalence of Covid-19 disease. This pandemic has affected earthlings. Many have suffered and died, some have lost their source of income. Recently the crude oil price plummets, for the first time in the history, to a negative value. These horrors are going to stop. Thank you to all the frontliners who fight despite of the fear of infection. We are getting through this together.
I manage to travel back to hometown before this partial lockdown. I'm extremely glad that I have my family members companion throughout this period. I do know it's selfish of me, that I might carry the disease and be a harm to my parents. But I'm happy that nothing happens. Right now, I have spent more than a month staying at home. It's sort of a holiday for me tbh, waking up to food, watching drama, occasionally doing homework, playing mobile games, back to food and sleep. I didn't feel so bad, after all I have completed my part in an academic paper draft, wrote my research article and calculated the chemical and mechanical design of distillation column. What are left now are research report and more designs to do :)
What prompt me to write this post is that I'm heartbroken having a quarrel with my boyfriend. And this time, I feel like nothing is going to be the same anymore. If he ever mention the word 'break-up', I would have said yes. I am constantly hurt by his action, of asking me who is he to me and what do I actually want now. It's as if I have lost faith in this relationship from his point of view. But I figure, yes, I have indeed lost faith, due to his recent ridiculous actions. He doesn't seem to care anymore, doesn't update me his condition, doesn't want to understand what I have said and constantly irks me. He went on doing the very things I do not approve of. He pierced his ears, saying that all these while he had given in to me, be considerate to me despite my temper (I do have hot temper), that it's time I give in to him by letting him pierce. We fought over this and he pierced 'em ears anyhow. And he started playing Tinder. I hate the fact that only after he did something for awhile, only he updated me. He started to chat with those girls over in Whatsapp and claimed that his mere intention is to make friends. How can I not lose my faith, I wonder. I would not be surprised later tomorrow that he will update me that 'Let's break-up. I have met someone else.'.
He blamed me on not doing something special on our anniversary. I just wished him 'Happy anniversary'. He said that I'm superficial because I justified that it's just another day, it's the same as my birthday, it's just another day. As for me, the act of remembering is very important, but a simple wish will do. After a few years, how many friends will remember your birthday (if not because of Facebook)? How many of them will actually wish you happy birthday? That's why I feel the remembrance is of utmost important. How pathetic of me.
He held on to the grudges and acted bitchly. He complaint that I do not change over the years by keeping my problems deep in my heart and not voicing out my sadness. I recall my recent vacation in Hanoi, the time when my friends and I visited the Long Biên Bridge. It is a very busy street which allows only motorbikes but not cars on it. There's a railway in between the streets and tourists were taking pictures on the railway. We risked our lives getting on the railway, only to realize there was a train coming towards us. We ran backwards, standing over small platform. Can you see the reason why I keep things to myself? Because you do not run towards an incoming train, you go backwards and hide in a small corner. It will be suicidal of me to bang myself against the train. Will you brace yourself in a stormy path when you can choose a sunny one?
It's when we take for granted, that they are taking away our precious one. So I tell him that I need a break, to recover. Honestly, I'm very very disappointed of him, I'm so hurt that I can no longer face him, that I need time alone to sort things out, to calm myself and ask, if this relationship is worth the while. Because he no longer see the value in this relationship. And if it is for our good, I will let go.

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Jia Xing.


23 y/o.
University of Malaya.
A reader. A traveler.
Constantly pursuing.



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