I'm sorry to be this pessimistic. Warning, this is not a postive post, think twice before you continue reading. 

Okay, the point is, I can turn everything around me into bad things. Like being with me passes you my negative vibe. This morning, we went to the kopitiam we usually go. But I really can't eat the food there. The curry rice there, is bad, I wonder why it is called curry rice, but not curry at all. And the economic fried bihun/mee/kuey teow is just as bad. I'm not criticizing it based on its cheap price- RM1. I can hardly chew it seriously. I feel like vomitting every time I eat those food. Usually I will have bihun, my fav, but it really fails me in this kopitiam. It is salty and not acceptable. There is a stall too there, selling bihun/mee/kuey teow soup or fried one. The food by the stall is okay. The point is I come to loathe oily food. Fried food means it is oily af, which I think is unhealthy. I'm unpredictably troublesome, which I am sorry. At last, I didn't consume anything this morning. I was kind of pissed. Because I had made it crystal clear I don't want to dine in that kopitiam. And my family thought I am being vexatious. My bro asked me to eat shit for being so picky. So throughout their eating, I did nothing but a lot of thinking. I felt like my not eating trouble my family. They have to think of something to get me to eat other food. You think I like it to being treated princess-like? I would rather I get the transportation and eat up something myself. 

Lately I will eat up, and feel that I can't digest the food, then induce vomit. I feel like there is a lot of gas inside my stomach, making me feel so sick. I love eating, but when eating makes me feel sick and wasteful, what can I do? 

Besides, I have this swelling on my gum which caused me a lot of pain when I chew. The night before I brushed my teeth and accidentally scratched the swelling part, causing it to bleed. I applied medicine on it and glad that it is healing and diminishing! I guess it is a good sign somehow.

Furthermore, the day my bro came back from Penang I got real sick and puked. I slept for half day, still feeling defeated. And the very next week, I caught a cold. Please fight hard my immune system . 

When I was away from home, I was healthy enough, got sick once or twice and my allergy went rampant once. 

I did a lot of thinking this morning, when I am capable, I mean when I start to work, I won't and try not to depend on my family anymore. I have burdened them no doubt, being all teenager and rebellious sometime. He have always said that I am not mature enough, never think of family. Let me tell you, I am this sentimental piece of shit, even if I make up my mind to be bold, I always have the soft spot in my heart. At least I am not you, emphasizing you care but being all hateful to relatives. I'm not good at pretending and I'm sorry if I fail you, for you should never hold the hope in me. I'm too flawed a girl.